In the year 2013, as our networks get larger, our worlds smaller, and our minds more easily influenced, it is getting harder and harder to decipher what I really want from what I might be interested in because of what others suggest. It’s getting a bit crowded in my mind. Where am I, really?
Philippine Fashion Week, May 2012.
Holy Week 2012 was my first time to try film! Some stuff from one year ago.
My film camera is named West. :-)
To appreciate the complexity of what it means to be human. To exist on this earth with others. To thrive in the presence of loved ones. To disappear into another’s arms. To become angry and callous. To bring about the best in you. To bring out the worst in me.
***
When I was a child, I thought growing up, finding a loved one, and having a family was simple. Everyone did it, and I would too. Families were everywhere, and I had never heard of an adult that didn’t have a partner.
As I got older (or really, just recently), I realised that human relationships are a lot more complex. When I got into my own relationships, suddenly, there was a lot more to being a human being in this world than just existing. Things I did and didn’t do affected someone else. And eventually, things I did and didn’t do (and the things he did and didn’t do) weren’t enough to keep us together.
Just recently, I’ve learned to appreciate the complexity of what it really means to be human. To love and to fail at it. To love and to succeed in being better people for it. To hate and to see how it destroys you two. There’s just way too much to process sometimes, but it remains there, at the back of my mind.
Perhaps one day, it won’t be so complicated anymore. Perhaps one day, loving will be enough.
***
Pont de l’Archevêché, Paris, October 2012.
The rock bottom of rock bottom.
Things I miss about being on set:
1. The unconventional office space.
2. When someone bring sweets or treats for the crew.
3. Feeling like I know what I’m doing, or that I was born for this.
4. When shoots wrap early or in a decent hour and we can catch a movie or something after.
5. When shoots wrap the next day, and I see the sky turn from dark blue to light blue on the way home.
Basically everything but my job haha.
I don’t know why I’ve been so obsessed with Wicked lately. I’ve been listening to the musical over and over again for the past two weeks, more than when I first heard of it, and even more than when I finally watched it! I really love its theme of following your dreams and losing yourself along the way. Or reaching what you’ve set out to do and finding the top spot isn’t all it’s made out to be.
I think that’s why I love Up so much as well. There’s that story of a man who was sidetracked from his original dream of exploring the world, but he lived a meaningful and fulfilled adventure anyway. Then there’s the foil of his idol, the explorer who made it out into the wilderness, survived, yet became the shell of the man his fans thought he was.
Who would you prefer to be like, right? Elphaba or Glinda? Mr. Fredricksen or Charles Muntz?
I also really love and empathize with Elphaba, the antagonistic and misunderstood antihero of the musical. I guess growing up being known as a difficult or bratty person has left people with first impressions that aren’t absolutely me. And that’s fine I guess, as long as like Elphie, I keep being myself along the way, no matter what it means for my dreams.
Victoria & Albert Museum, London, September 2012.
Today was just one of those days that highlighted further that I will never ever ever be one of those super happy, super cheerful all the time, nothing can bring me down, always motivated for more, reach for the stars, I can overcome this challenge kind of people.
Since when was I not allowed to be in a bad mood because things didn’t go my way? Yes, eventually I will move on and rise above, but can I take five minutes to be selfish please?
Even confetti is black some times. Today was just one of those days.
My Favorite String Arrangements in Les Misérables:
I’ve listened to Les Miz maybe a hundred times in my life. While the entire show is always great as background music when I’m working (and at times, great to sing along to hehe), there are a few moments when I can’t help but look up from the computer screen, stop what I’m doing, and just listen. These are those few seconds between lines laden with emotion, the parts of the songs I wave my hands in the air to, as if I were conducting the orchestra myself.
Watching Les Miz still goes down as one of the best nights of my life, one that I hope to repeat over and over again in the future. For now, I have this list.
1. I Dreamed A Dream 3:26 to End
3. Bring Him Home 1:23 to 1:55
4. Instrumental after The Second Attack
I love this whole instrumental before Thernardier comes out to sing Dog Eats Dog. What I found a bit disconcerting about it, though, is that in the play, it’s actually when all the students die (and when Valjean escapes with Marius’ body). So it paints quite a disturbing picture, but with such serene music.
I like this whole piece, but the strings really start to dominate starting 0:56. :)
5. Empty Chairs At Empty Tables 2:13 to around 2:30 — And it’s actually not that bad when you don’t have to watch Nick Jonas’ expressions haha.
The Queen’s Theater, West End, London, September 2012.
The most beautiful hall I’ve ever seen.
Opera Garnier, Paris, September 2012.
Every year, I have the same resolution: To let go (some more).
As a control freak, I’ve never found it easy to trust completely in other people, family, friends and colleagues included. When shit happens, I’m always the first to ask why or complain about how these situations could have been done right. While I’ve learned time and again that “everything happens for a reason,” I’ve still never been able to trust what the fates have in store for us. I’ve always wanted to know and control and plan out what happens to me.
But I suppose that’s why we’re given so many “new years” to get life right. Every year, I’m given the chance to breathe out some more, and to loosen grip; to move out of micro-managing, and to leave a few things to spontaneity; to not only believe in others, but also have a little bit more faith in myself.
***
All of life is a lesson in letting go. I want to quit replaying memories in hopes of being brave enough to make new ones.
Mia Wasikowska and Park Chan Wook on-set of Stoker (2013)
Christopher Nolan and Aaron Eckhart on the set of The Dark Knight (2008)
Martin Scorsese directing Leonardo Dicaprio on-set of The Aviator
Taxi Driver by Luis Fernando Cruz
Golden Girl, a fashion story inspired by Hollywood
Estella Warren wearing vintage Fred Leighton at the Chateau Marmont Oscar weekend, styled...
How beautiful is the Canadian jacket for Wave by Sonali Deraniyagala? Wave is a truly brilliant grief memoir.
Expectation:
Reality:
